This week we decided to revisit a classic bad movie from our childhood, Super Mario Bros. This movie is about a few plumbers who stumble into a parallel universe and decide to try and keep a piece of meteorite away from an evil man who wants to use it to merge the dimensions and devolve all the humans. If this doesn’t sound like the plot to any Mario game you’ve ever played, that’s because it’s not even remotely close to anything in the Mario universe.
But it’s the combination of Mario name-dropping and total nonsense that make this film a must-watch for anyone who likes to watch a franchise get dragged through the mud. This movie stars Mario, Luigi and Daisy. That’s right, no peach. Just Daisy. Mario’s… girlfriend?… wife?… lover?… is named Daniella for some reason in this film. Other hilarious characters include Toad as the anti-establishment post-apocalyptic punk and Yoshi who in this film is just a literal raptor.
Unlike any game they have ever appeared in, this movie actually focuses on their plumbing skills quite a lot. Mario seems to be able to wrench his way out of most situations. Plus I don’t think there’s a movie in the existence that has people scream the word “pluuuumbers!” so many times.
Oddly placed violence
It’s always weird to see violence in what’s supposed to be an adaptation of a family friendly video game. It starts off pretty light with “big Bertha” cracking Mario in the face a few times. Then the anti is upped when one of the main villains stabs Yoshi in the neck. There’s also a character who gets shocked by some kind of electric system. First time she just gets comically spiked hair and it’s all good. Second time it happens she is murdered.
The Sequel set up
In one of the worst movie endings I have seen in a long time, a news anchor literally says the line “I would call them SUPER Mario brothers” as if the audience was waiting for that tie-in. Then in classic 80s fashion this movie ends with Daisy charging through the door to tell Mario she needs help. For some reason that sequel never happened.
The Drinking Game
Drink anytime anyone says any of the following words
Drink whenever one of the Mario Bros uses a tool
Drink whenever the rock/meteor shard is mentioned
Drink when there’s a bad pun
Drink whenever someone is evolved or devolved
These drinking rules may not seem like much but once you’re actually listening to it you’ll realize just how overused the words “dimension” and “plumber” become. Plus the characters like to name drop each other like they’ve never met before.